Colons and Livers . . .

Today at noon I just found out that I "matched" for the GI (gastrointestinal) fellowship at University of Cincinnati!!! This is quite a big deal - GI is one of, if not the most, competitive medicine specialties. When most people apply for GI, they apply to 20 or so programs hoping to get a spot. After much deliberation and prayer, I only applied to UC mostly because I did not feel right asking Dustin to move with his job (not to mention it would be very difficult for him to do). Out of 200-300 applicants, apparently I will be 1 of the 2 GI fellows UC will have next year! I honestly have to say that I am very surprised that I matched. I have been fully preparing myself in not getting the spot.

As an aside, to answer the question, "What is a GI fellowship?" Technically, it's a fellowship in Gastroenterology and Hepatology. It is a 3 year program of training (yes, I get paid) in become a medical specialist in this field--the pathology and treatment of the gastrointestinal tract (mouth to the colon and rectum) and liver. It is also a very procedural field, and I will be trained to be a physician who can perform colonoscopies and endoscopies. To the person who is not in medicine, it perhaps does not sound like a glamorous area to specialize in, but trust me, it really is a great field of medicine and is fascinating! So, I will be finishing up my Internal Medicine residency next year (August 2009) of which I will then start the 3 year fellowship. And then finally, after all this training, I can officially practice medicine "on my own."

OK, that said, I am humbled and in awe and even overwhelmed and scared of what the future holds. I am so very happy in getting this position and an opportunity to become a physician in such a great field. At the same time, I am having some bittersweet feelings about it all. I am so very nervous about being a mother and growing our family during these next 4 years of training where my time is not necessarily my own. These next years really are the prime "child-bearing" years, and not to mention, will be such a sweet time of growth and development for Levi. I look at Levi and am so filled of love for him, and I really hope I can be a good mom to him. I am sad for the time time I may miss being with him in the future because I may be on call at work or just working real late. Already the tug of work vs. home--I suppose the classic struggle for the working mom.

Since high school, I have prayed so very much about what direction to take my schooling and "what to be when I grow up." First, it was regarding what college to go to, then it was regarding whether or not to pursue medicine and which school, then it was what residency to do, then finally whether or not to do a fellowship. Each step of the way, I can honestly say I have "opened my hands" to the Lord and asked Him to lead, fully open to be lead away from medicine, if He so desired. And each step of the way, He continues to open seemingly closed doors, confirming medicine is the field for me, and has directed me to where I am now. Knowing that, I can be comforted about my decisions during times of uncertainty that creep up.

Oh, I have so much more to say on this topic and things related. I suppose that is one other purpose of this blog--not only to post pictures of Levi and his growth, but to also comment on the "struggles" of being a working mom in the field of medicine.

I end with the thoughts regarding Psalm 31 regarding the "godly woman." The woman there burns the candle at both ends, provides for her family both by working in the home and outside the home, and is praised by her community and husband. I pray that I also can aspire to do both with grace and godliness.